Who’s in charge?

Over the years, I’ve been doing a lot more life coaching (which I absolutely LOVE) helping people over panic, anxiety, worry, fear and self-confidence challenges, along with a host of other emotional and mental challenges that keep you stuck and feeling alone.     

I used to think that getting things done was all “mind over matter”, but not now.  You see, you already have inside of you all of the resources you need to get what you want, change what you want and be who you want.  (I know, it’s sometimes hard to believe, but it’s true).   

I’m on my way to Dallas in a couple of weeks to do two 2-Day Turnarounds with a man and a woman who are both having mental and emotional challenges around what’s next in their life and their career.  Helping them to see things in a different way, using a different perspective is essential to be able to get out of the rut.  

So what’s keeping you in the rut?  Is it a consistent, persistent negative thought pattern, negative emotion, physical or emotional pain?  Is it doing the same things that don’t work over and over instead of admitting it’s not working and finding a new way?  If you’re saying to yourself “I know there’s something stopping me but I don’t know what it is”, then there are a couple of things you need to do:

1.  Know that you’re in charge.  Yep, only YOU can control how you feel, think and act. 

2.  Consider a different perspective.  What would you problem seem like from a “fly on the wall” perspective?

3.  Rewrite your life.  At some point, you made a decision to have these problems, because you’re in charge.  Go back to the first time you can remember having it and ask yourself why you needed it then and how it was serving you.  (because it does have a purpose, even if it feels negative). 

4.  Get help.  It’s difficult to see the problem when you’re in the problem.  Ask someone else for help.

So how have you been in charge of your emotional states and what have you done to break yourself free from negativity?  Leave a comment below and let me know.

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5 thoughts on “Who’s in charge?

  1. I agree with you that sometimes we go through life just “accepting” everything that happens. We do need to get some backbone and perhaps wise people around us to remind us that we are the captain of our life not circumstances or other people.

    • I recently worked with a private client who constantly affirmed “Good things happen to me. I don’t know why, they just do!” Wouldn’t it be amazing if we “accepted” the good things instead of focusing on “why is this bad thing happening to me?”

    • Another great video! That was great footage from the tow-truck. Was the tow-truck dreivr curious about why you were shooting video? I ask because I was once told I could not shoot video in a similar situation. I heard on twitter that it was nothing major wrong with your car. I’m so glad! I love your driving videos!Jeff

  2. I recently lost my business partner to another company and I am devastated and frozen in depression. She still calls and is trying to get me interested in her new company. I want to be focused and find a new partner that is loyal. How can I get over this and get back to work?

    • Joy, thank you for your thoughtful post. Having lost a few business partners myself, I can totally understand. Here’s what to do next.

      1. Give yourself a time limit for grieving. Staying stuck and devastated is living in the past and will not help you. It’s imperative to observe your feelings. In fact, write them down.

      2. Consider a different perspective. What was the lesson learned in having this partnership? People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime and always to teach us something about what to do, or not to do in a relationship.

      3. Step outside yourself and observe the partnership from a “fly on the wall” perspective. What was working? What wasn’t working? What did your partner need that you were unable to provide in the partnership? The answers to these questions, though they may be hard to answer at this moment, develop you as a leader and help you to take responsibility for the situation.

      4. Let go of knowing “how” you’re going to go on. Make a decision to keep going first, then surrender to the not knowing and the path will appear.

      These are the first steps. Keep going, Joy, you have a lot to offer the world through your business and you deserve to be able to share it.